Individual Counseling

I work with individual clients on a variety of issues and specialize in those related to relationship problems. I help people who are struggling to make sense of difficult relationships (often with partners, but also with parents, children, other family members, or friends) as well as with the feelings of depression, anxiety and grief, that often occur when a relationship or marriage ends.

I also see people who feel stuck in their lives because they are unable to form the kinds of connections with others they wish for. This can often be the result of shyness, low self-esteem, or feeling socially awkward.  I look at these sorts of problems as traits that have been layered over your true nature, rather than as representative of who you really are.

People start out in life generally loving, awake, and open. As we grow up, however, life experiences add layers of fear and insecurity, until our basic goodness has become so hidden we sometimes can’t remember it ever existing. We feel flawed and depressed, and in some essential way, “not enough.” This is a painful state to be in, so we develop ways to avoid these feelings — often through addictions to drugs and alcohol, work, TV, sex, food. And through creating beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, like — “I’m just an angry person, “ “It’s safer to not talk about feelings,” “I don’t need anybody,” “If I let go of trying to control everything, nothing will ever get done.”

People have often accumulated so many stories over their lives, about “the way things are,” that they are no longer living in the present moment at all. They respond to the world as if it were still yesterday, or last year, or fifteen years ago. This makes it very difficult to move forward and allow something new and more positive to grow.

I help individuals feel what is happening right now, and to stay with those feelings, gradually becoming comfortable with them. This allows people to begin to change the patterns that have held them back from having the kinds of relationships and lives they hope for. Love, joy, and compassion are basic features of human consciousness. They are already within us, not something we have to create. Once the avoidance, fear, and insecurity have faded away, a new kind of life really is possible.