Couples Counseling

I specialize in working with couples. Often couples who come to see me are feeling terribly disappointed and fearful that their relationships, the source of so much joy and intimacy in the beginning, have become painful and destructive. I help couples to see this situation as one that is both inevitable (almost all couples hit a roadblock at some point) and also an opportunity to grow together in new ways.

I help couples learn to talk about what is really happening in their relationships and to listen to each others’ feelings in a way that is accepting and non-defensive. This allows them to begin breaking the patterns of relating that they have been stuck in and to move from resentment and frustration to a position of genuine interest and kindness with each other.

As a result, the conversation shifts from blaming and criticizing, (“Why can’t you ever come home when you say you will?”) to one that is much more meaningful (“I feel forgotten and disappointed when you come home late.”) Disagreements over being late, who does more housework, etc, do not just disappear of course, but when we get to the feelings underneath that are fueling the arguments, partners are much more able to listen to what is being said, feel empathy for the others’ position, and come up with a solution they can both be happy with.

When difficulties in relationships are worked through with a therapist, couples often find their connection and love for each other, not only re-newed, but stronger and deeper than before the problems began. It really is possible, in this life, in this relationship, to have a radical and liberating transformation in the way you relate to your partner.